This is a great question and I would like to answer it publicly. Please let me know if I can do that. If not, I’ll remove this post.
To answer your question directly, I do not know of any way to reverse this inexplicable desire. I discovered this kink 20 years ago and over the years I have come to understand it more and more. I am married. I’m 41 years old. Financially successful. Physically fit. And I can’t shake it.
Several years ago I decided to see a therapist for this reason only. I sat on her couch and brought it up on the first day. She told me it is akin to a woman having a rape fantasy. This is a sexual situation that is absolutely taboo, contrary to what a girl would want in real life, but yet some girls have a rape fantasy and they can’t shake it either.
That was my first step in coming to terms with this but not my last.
I read the book Insatiable Wives, a non-fiction work on this particular fetish and I learned a great deal about myself. I highly recommend you read it.
I also read the book a Billion Wicked Thoughts, another non-fiction work that focuses on the most popular sexual fantasies on the internet. Cuckolding / Hotwife / Wife Watching gets two chapters. That book helped me because it made me THANK my lucky stars that this is my fetish and not some of the other stuff out there. (My heart goes out to the story of the guy who just had to masturbate in the closet of strangers to get off.)
My only advice is to run with it, don’t run away from it. Closeting your sexuality is a recipe for an unhappy life.
I have my own theories of how it sprouts in the mind of a man but trying to stop it? No, I’ve examined my own brain and I just can’t see how. It’s like this thing is hard wired to turn me on. From what I read, it’s the same with other guys who share it.
My wife and I have a vanilla relationship. We don’t do anything kinky. But if I were single again, knowing myself as I do now, I’d probably try it with a girl. I’d probably find a relationship where we could experiment with this.
As it is, I’m happy with just keeping it a fantasy, just like most women with a rape fantasy, it’s enjoyed all in their mind, in that room of one’s own. Maybe if they’re lucky, they’ll do a bit of role playing in the bedroom.
Try reading some captions from the point of view of The Bull. That might get you off too and make you feel better about yourself. Don’t let yourself always be the loser in this scenario!
And don’t feel ashamed after you get off on a scenario where you are vanquished, where your wife has experienced sexual heights you’ve never known while in the arms of another man.
It’s a fantasy. It did it’s job. Go back to your real life.
- Tori Cooper